Is this a scary story?

This is my sister's horror story, what do you think?



The moon shines upon the grizzly town where Melenie Waters lived. Well, she did. It was a dark night. Just like normal, in Andle Village. Melenie was alone, as her parents went to a dinner with her distant relatives. Melanie was genually bored, but she was overly bored tonight. "I'll join a chatroom, Jayne is on it all the time." She thought. Jayne being her bestest friend. So as to this, Melanie joined a Facebook chat, the one Jayne goes on.

The chat started, but where was Jayne

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MelanieGirl: Is Jayne on here?

LassyGal: Yeah, I made a new account!

MelanieGirl: Cool Cool, so whats up, I am soo bored.

LassyGirl: Sme Sme xD lolz. I am fine yuh?

MelanieGirl: Yeah, you at home?

LassyGirl: No!

MelanieGirl: Where are you then

LassyGirl: You Know

MelanieGirl: I dunno?

LassyGirl: Behind your sofa.

Melanie:Wha-

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Melanie didn't finished, because Lassy girl wasn't Jayne, she was a muderer, which escaped from prison. Melanie sat, with blood draining from her mouth, eyes open, looking at the computer. Dead.



Melanie's Parents came in an hour later, where they found Melanie,dead. They looked at the computer. They glared at the last message:

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LassyGirl: You look good in red :)Is this a scary story?
I don't think it's scary at all.
It's not scary at all. Your sister didn't really describe anything. Let her work on that first.Is this a scary story?
that is the baddest joke i have ever read
That is so creepy and scary! I am now afraid of instant messenger or anything like that! good! i give it 10/10Is this a scary story?
Not scary in the least...it's ******* creepy as ****! Pretty good though. I'd give it a 10/10 just for per ingeniousness. ;) @ Paula H calm down. Don't be a grammar nazi. I don't think the sister was trying to write a full fledged book of about 200 pages. Short story at best. It's good. Not gonna make you **** your pants but it's good. So, unless your profession is an english teacher, just you and everyone rating rate it if it was scary and creepy or not. Not based on grammar and sentence structure. -_-
I think it's short, not really all that detailed, some of the writing is bad, and just all around looks like something someone threw together in about three minutes. "The moon shines upon the grizzly town where Melenie Waters lived. Well, she did." The 'Well, she did.' part does not belong. Saying she was usually a bored person but was overly bored that night is a bad sentence. It's telling, but sloppy telling. Also, using "bestest" is wrong grammar. Things are capitalized that should not be capitalized, like parents. Speaking of, there is no reaction from the parents other than a glare.



The idea is good, but this is bad execution.